Its a dark day for the country today. Obamacare has been upheld as 'constitutional'. Apparently it is a constitutional thing for the government to fine an individual who 'chooses' not to have health care. Interesting the way that's worded. Chooses not to have health care- I wonder- Is that like choosing to be gay? or choosing to have cancer? From my perspective (And no, I don't have health care for myself, by the way, I'm unemployed at the moment and I simply can't afford personal health care. My kids are covered by the state, but I don't qualify due to a 'glitch' Since my stepson Nick lives with me and his father doesn't pay child support I don't qualify for any assistance from the state.) most anyone who can afford health care will get health care. We're not talking a minor expense, people. I've looked into the costs of 'personal' health insurance. your most basic, crap coverage will run you around 250$ a month. For me at this time that is NOT an insignificant expense. (that is with around a 5000$ deductible, by the way) I simply can't afford it, so I won't be getting it. So now its constitutional to fine me because I can't afford to spend the money on something the government says I should have. Sounds a lot like legalized theft to me. Read your history books, anyone ever heard of 'debtor's prison'? The other thing that simply boggles my mind is all the democrats that are saying how great this is. Democrats who, traditionally are supposed to be for the 'little' guy. Do they not realize how many small businesses this new 'constitutional' directive is going to drive into bankruptcy? Small businesses are in the same boat I am. a little mom and pop shop which is barely struggling by will be forced to close simply because they can't afford to buy group insurance for Maggie Sue who helps out once or twice a week in the shop. Wake the hell up, people! The only ones this new directive is going to help are the insurance companies. The other gem that happened yesterday, which most people haven't taken notice of is the fact that Obama declared a national emergency because of Russia's decision on how they process weapons grade plutonium or some such. Now, I agree that we have to keep an eye on where the world's plutonium is going, kind of an important thing to know, but why a national emergency about it? Well, here's what a lot of people don't realize. In the case of a national emergency being declared all voting for officials is suspended until the emergency is declared over. Oh, another little gem? Under national emergency martial law can be declared with no notice by the President of the United States. Heads up, people. The masks are coming off and no one is even bothering to hide the fact that our 'free' country isn't being such a great place to live anymore. Hail Amerikastan.

I don't want to say the mosquitos are bad this year, but my first waking thought this morning was that somehow I must have gone on a bender last night and fallen asleep on the Willow air strip and there were about a hundred Piper Supercubs  circling and waiting for approach. As I slowly cracked my eyes open, waiting for one of them to land on top of me I saw the cloud of mosquitos circling my face.They are literally everywhere. The only consolation is that they should be gone soon. We had a couple of days of rain and it kicked their breeding cycle into high gear. My K.I.T.H (Killed in the house) count is over 400 and still climbing.  We got a new cat yesterday. Sylvester is his name and I think he'll be a pretty cool cat, once he manages to get up the courage to leave the kitty condo and start exploring. He hasn't moved that we've seen since he got here, not that I can blame him. Coming into a house with 4 other cats, 4 dogs, a goat and 3 kids intimidates the hell out of me sometimes, too. The infamous tattoo has been once again rescheduled. I'm supposed to get it Monday now. We'll see if it happens. Perhaps the stars will align and I'll be able to get it done this time. I hope so, I'd really like it to be fully healed before I go to work as a commercial fisherman in July. That's right, I'll soon have another truly 'Alaskan' experience under my belt. Some very good friends have given me the opportunity to help them out and I'm really looking forward to it. Other than that not a lot going on. I'm going to be cramming today to catch up on my school work. I have no idea what my problem has been lately, but my study habits have been abhorrent. I really need to remove my head from my backside and get back into studying again, so this weekend will be new leaf time. It's hard to explain. It seems like I've been marking time in life for the past couple of months, waiting for something to happen. Well, enough of that. Its time to plunge forward, move onward and outward and get back to the business of making a new life for myself and the kids. After all, if I don't, no one is going to do it for me. And on that note I best go and get to work. Still plenty of homework to do and I need to get my mosquito KITH numbers higher because they are driving me crazy! Have a good day, a great weekend, and an amazing life! Later!

The coolest cat in the world died tonight. HArvey, the first animal we got when we came to Alaska laid down by Aoibheann's chair and passed away. It seems like he has always been around. We saved Harvey from destruction when we got him from the shelter. We had been in Alaska exactly one week when Glenda decided she needed to have an animal around so we went to the shelter. She was actually looking for a small female kitten. We looked at a bunch of them and then the girl asked us if we would consider looking at an older male cat because no one had adopted him and he was slated for destruction. They brought Harvey out and he was instantly one of the family. I always expected he'd get eaten by a bear out here, he used to spend almost all summer outside, only coming in occasionally to check on his people. Whenever we would pull into the driveway Harvey would amble out to greet us. Whenever something bad would happen it seemed like Harvey was there, offering quiet comfort, purring as if to say, "don't worry, everything will be fine in the end." I'm gonna miss you, Buddy. I know you hung out long enough to make sure we were all right after Glenda passed away, and now you went to be with her. You always liked her best anyway. And so we say goodbye, my friend. I'm sure I'll see you again someday, probably waiting for me when my time comes, purring to let me know everything will be okay.

So, I'm starting my new class at Full Sail this week. Its a technology class, so maybe I'll finally figure out how to use this *&*^* MAC. Part of the class is to write an intro for the other students, since their so big into social networking at that school. I was going to write the usual pat answer to the question and then, when I was out fishing today I started to actually think about it. the question was "Who are you? Tell us about yourself." Hmm...as I stood casting and reeling in (Yes, I did catch one pike and missed another one, by the way, thanks for asking) I started thinking about it. Who am I anyway? I honestly don't have an answer to that anymore. I'm a dad, at least I try to be. I'm a hunter, a fisherman, an Alaskan, a writer, an outsider, an insider, a guy who stopped mid-stream in his life and decided to switch careers about 90 degrees and start all over again. That should probably scare the hell out of me, but I just have a feeling of anticipation. I know NOTHING about the entertainment industry. I'm learning more in casual conversations with other students and teachers than I ever expected to know. I'm even considering staying in school to get my Master's in directing because it looks like it would be a lot of fun to do. I've realized- I'm 43 years old and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I've been a lot of things that I'm not anymore. I look back at the various stages in my life and just shake my head. The experiences have all changed who I am and it makes me wonder who I will be when the ride is finally all over. I was, I hope, a good husband to an amazing woman and I hope I have it in me to be a good husband again someday. I've ridden in corporate planes, been to the top of grain elevators and jumped on top of barges to avoid getting cut in half by flying ropes. I've been lucky enough to number corporate executives as well as homeless pool sharks among my friends. I've watched the greatest love of my life die, kissed her goodbye as she passed from this world just as I've watched all three of my children enter it and cry for the first time ever. I have a goat living on my porch, for chrissake! Of course, I won't put any of this in the little introductory blurb for my technology class. Well, maybe the goat part, but not much else. Anyway, the question got me thinking. I'm willing to bet that most of you have lived your lives in different levels as well. You can probably look back through the years and see the different people that you were. I guess my point is this- Celebrate who you were, embrace it because it will always be a part of who you are now and who you are going to be in the future. I hope you all have a great day. Hug the people you love and never be afraid to talk to strangers because they might be your next best friend! Peace-

Well, I actually have an excuse for not posting this time. Last week was pretty much a blur of activity getting a new washer and dryer and then packing for a 5 day camping trip with the kids. I never knew I would appreciate a dryer so much before! My old one broke back in October and we spent the winter drying clothes on a piece of cord wrapped around the room, drying clothes by the heat of the wood stove. It was a serious pain in the butt! I just considered it another character building exercise, though. It was another thing that we made it through, just like cutting wood for heat at -30 and surviving the first year without Glenda. All I could think about (When I wasn't cussing the dryer for dying) was "well, at least the washer didn't go too.." My thinking has become that a lot lately. Things that were earth shattering 2 years ago have become merely annoying now. I've realized that in the great scheme of life most of the things that used to absolutely drive me insane really aren't that big a deal. I must say, though- I now appreciate dryer technology as well as clean, dry, non- stiff as a board clothes much more than I ever did! The camping trip was good. I don't think it ever hit the level of 'amazing' that the trip did last year. A bunch of people didn't make it and the weather beat us up a couple of days, but it was a great trip none the less. Just being able to disconnect from the world for a little while and wholly concentrate on the business of living is a nice thing sometimes. My tattoo appointment got rescheduled for next Tuesday which is, ironically, the day after Glenda's birthday. I say ironic because she always wanted us to get tattoos to commemorate and honor the move to Alaska. It was the point in our lives that we stopped one life completely and started a new one. It wasn't a gradual change, we went from a job offer to all of us living up here, knowing not a soul in just over a month. We completely upheaved everything we knew and it turned out to be the best move we had ever made as a married couple. We learned to rely on each other, wholly and completely. Moving here changed both of us a lot and she always wanted to commemorate that change by getting a tattoo. Well, She can't anymore, but I can. In a way I'm getting this for both of us. I didn't get a bear this weekend, but I'm not giving up hope, I'll go out and try again in a different place. Its a strange thing, being under pressure to provide food for your family. I can't go to the store and buy this stuff, I have to hunt it down, kill it, gut it, skin it and butcher it if I want to feed it to my family.  It really makes you appreciate where meat comes from. There are no small, sterile white styrofoam containers of bear in the store. Anyway- I should go, the dryer just finished its cycle and I have to switch loads out. I'm still catching up on all the clothes that didn't get washed while the dryer was DOA. Have a great day, everyone! I'll talk to you soon.

Augh..Last day of school and we all sleep through the bus stopping. One more day of running around like idiots. The washer and drier should be here WAY to soon, if my luck holds out. I'm not ready for them to be delivered yet. Gotta run, I'll try to be insiteful later. Until then So Long and Thanks for all the fish!

I think my brain is starting to kick-start again. For a long time I was afraid to dream. Every dream I had was a horrible nightmare that I won't go into detail on, suffice it to say they were all extremely unpleasant. Last night I had a dream that was amazingly insightful. I think it revealed mysteries of the universe that we may not be meant to know. I woke up in awe. I reached for my pad and pencil to write it down as soon as I woke up, but it was gone, only the feeling of awe remained. That's okay, though.Instead of being disappointed I know that the answers are out there somewhere and someday I'll figure them out. Today is cleaning day. We're beginning to tear the house apart and repair the things that are broken in preparation for putting the place on the market. I can't afford to keep it anymore and quite honestly I think its time to move on anyway. As much as I love this house it was our house. Glenda's and mine, and it doesn't feel as much like home anymore. I think its time to open a new chapter in my life. I love her and I miss her, but life, as they say, goes on. The appointment to get my tattoo is scheduled. There are probably other things I could spend my money on, but I have a gut feeling that for some reasons this is an important thing and I've learned to follow my gut. Its far more than a pretty picture to me. Its a symbol of what I've been, what I've become and what I will be. It is a unique symbol of me, drawn through a very good friend's eyes, and something I will strive to live up to every day. I know, that's a lot of stock put into a bunch of red and black dots driven into my body by a needle, but like I said, I have a much different perspective on life than I ever used to. Sometimes a symbol is all you have and blind faith that something that seems silly is the right thing to do is what a change in life all hinges upon. We're getting ready to go on our Memorial day camping trip and bear hunt in a few days. 5 days of camping and fun together with some good friends down on a glacial lake. We went last year and had an amazing time. The kids have been looking forward to this year since we went last year. Hopefully they have as good a time this year and t becomes THE annual summer tradition. We're working on new traditions now as well. We've begun the process of re-inventing our entire family structure and our lives. It won't ever be the same as it was, the perfect circle will become much more imperfect and oval, but with any luck we can keep the lines joined together into something that works. Time to head out again- I have a ton of homework I need to do by tonight and we have a full day of cleaning ahead of us. I hope everyone who reads this has a great day! Smile at a stranger, hug your family and enjoy being you because you're the only one of you there is.