I think my brain is starting to kick-start again. For a long time I was afraid to dream. Every dream I had was a horrible nightmare that I won't go into detail on, suffice it to say they were all extremely unpleasant. Last night I had a dream that was amazingly insightful. I think it revealed mysteries of the universe that we may not be meant to know. I woke up in awe. I reached for my pad and pencil to write it down as soon as I woke up, but it was gone, only the feeling of awe remained. That's okay, though.Instead of being disappointed I know that the answers are out there somewhere and someday I'll figure them out. Today is cleaning day. We're beginning to tear the house apart and repair the things that are broken in preparation for putting the place on the market. I can't afford to keep it anymore and quite honestly I think its time to move on anyway. As much as I love this house it was our house. Glenda's and mine, and it doesn't feel as much like home anymore. I think its time to open a new chapter in my life. I love her and I miss her, but life, as they say, goes on. The appointment to get my tattoo is scheduled. There are probably other things I could spend my money on, but I have a gut feeling that for some reasons this is an important thing and I've learned to follow my gut. Its far more than a pretty picture to me. Its a symbol of what I've been, what I've become and what I will be. It is a unique symbol of me, drawn through a very good friend's eyes, and something I will strive to live up to every day. I know, that's a lot of stock put into a bunch of red and black dots driven into my body by a needle, but like I said, I have a much different perspective on life than I ever used to. Sometimes a symbol is all you have and blind faith that something that seems silly is the right thing to do is what a change in life all hinges upon. We're getting ready to go on our Memorial day camping trip and bear hunt in a few days. 5 days of camping and fun together with some good friends down on a glacial lake. We went last year and had an amazing time. The kids have been looking forward to this year since we went last year. Hopefully they have as good a time this year and t becomes THE annual summer tradition. We're working on new traditions now as well. We've begun the process of re-inventing our entire family structure and our lives. It won't ever be the same as it was, the perfect circle will become much more imperfect and oval, but with any luck we can keep the lines joined together into something that works. Time to head out again- I have a ton of homework I need to do by tonight and we have a full day of cleaning ahead of us. I hope everyone who reads this has a great day! Smile at a stranger, hug your family and enjoy being you because you're the only one of you there is.