So, I'm starting my new class at Full Sail this week. Its a technology class, so maybe I'll finally figure out how to use this *&*^* MAC. Part of the class is to write an intro for the other students, since their so big into social networking at that school. I was going to write the usual pat answer to the question and then, when I was out fishing today I started to actually think about it. the question was "Who are you? Tell us about yourself." Hmm...as I stood casting and reeling in (Yes, I did catch one pike and missed another one, by the way, thanks for asking) I started thinking about it. Who am I anyway? I honestly don't have an answer to that anymore. I'm a dad, at least I try to be. I'm a hunter, a fisherman, an Alaskan, a writer, an outsider, an insider, a guy who stopped mid-stream in his life and decided to switch careers about 90 degrees and start all over again. That should probably scare the hell out of me, but I just have a feeling of anticipation. I know NOTHING about the entertainment industry. I'm learning more in casual conversations with other students and teachers than I ever expected to know. I'm even considering staying in school to get my Master's in directing because it looks like it would be a lot of fun to do. I've realized- I'm 43 years old and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I've been a lot of things that I'm not anymore. I look back at the various stages in my life and just shake my head. The experiences have all changed who I am and it makes me wonder who I will be when the ride is finally all over. I was, I hope, a good husband to an amazing woman and I hope I have it in me to be a good husband again someday. I've ridden in corporate planes, been to the top of grain elevators and jumped on top of barges to avoid getting cut in half by flying ropes. I've been lucky enough to number corporate executives as well as homeless pool sharks among my friends. I've watched the greatest love of my life die, kissed her goodbye as she passed from this world just as I've watched all three of my children enter it and cry for the first time ever. I have a goat living on my porch, for chrissake! Of course, I won't put any of this in the little introductory blurb for my technology class. Well, maybe the goat part, but not much else. Anyway, the question got me thinking. I'm willing to bet that most of you have lived your lives in different levels as well. You can probably look back through the years and see the different people that you were. I guess my point is this- Celebrate who you were, embrace it because it will always be a part of who you are now and who you are going to be in the future. I hope you all have a great day. Hug the people you love and never be afraid to talk to strangers because they might be your next best friend! Peace-

Well, I actually have an excuse for not posting this time. Last week was pretty much a blur of activity getting a new washer and dryer and then packing for a 5 day camping trip with the kids. I never knew I would appreciate a dryer so much before! My old one broke back in October and we spent the winter drying clothes on a piece of cord wrapped around the room, drying clothes by the heat of the wood stove. It was a serious pain in the butt! I just considered it another character building exercise, though. It was another thing that we made it through, just like cutting wood for heat at -30 and surviving the first year without Glenda. All I could think about (When I wasn't cussing the dryer for dying) was "well, at least the washer didn't go too.." My thinking has become that a lot lately. Things that were earth shattering 2 years ago have become merely annoying now. I've realized that in the great scheme of life most of the things that used to absolutely drive me insane really aren't that big a deal. I must say, though- I now appreciate dryer technology as well as clean, dry, non- stiff as a board clothes much more than I ever did! The camping trip was good. I don't think it ever hit the level of 'amazing' that the trip did last year. A bunch of people didn't make it and the weather beat us up a couple of days, but it was a great trip none the less. Just being able to disconnect from the world for a little while and wholly concentrate on the business of living is a nice thing sometimes. My tattoo appointment got rescheduled for next Tuesday which is, ironically, the day after Glenda's birthday. I say ironic because she always wanted us to get tattoos to commemorate and honor the move to Alaska. It was the point in our lives that we stopped one life completely and started a new one. It wasn't a gradual change, we went from a job offer to all of us living up here, knowing not a soul in just over a month. We completely upheaved everything we knew and it turned out to be the best move we had ever made as a married couple. We learned to rely on each other, wholly and completely. Moving here changed both of us a lot and she always wanted to commemorate that change by getting a tattoo. Well, She can't anymore, but I can. In a way I'm getting this for both of us. I didn't get a bear this weekend, but I'm not giving up hope, I'll go out and try again in a different place. Its a strange thing, being under pressure to provide food for your family. I can't go to the store and buy this stuff, I have to hunt it down, kill it, gut it, skin it and butcher it if I want to feed it to my family.  It really makes you appreciate where meat comes from. There are no small, sterile white styrofoam containers of bear in the store. Anyway- I should go, the dryer just finished its cycle and I have to switch loads out. I'm still catching up on all the clothes that didn't get washed while the dryer was DOA. Have a great day, everyone! I'll talk to you soon.

Augh..Last day of school and we all sleep through the bus stopping. One more day of running around like idiots. The washer and drier should be here WAY to soon, if my luck holds out. I'm not ready for them to be delivered yet. Gotta run, I'll try to be insiteful later. Until then So Long and Thanks for all the fish!

I think my brain is starting to kick-start again. For a long time I was afraid to dream. Every dream I had was a horrible nightmare that I won't go into detail on, suffice it to say they were all extremely unpleasant. Last night I had a dream that was amazingly insightful. I think it revealed mysteries of the universe that we may not be meant to know. I woke up in awe. I reached for my pad and pencil to write it down as soon as I woke up, but it was gone, only the feeling of awe remained. That's okay, though.Instead of being disappointed I know that the answers are out there somewhere and someday I'll figure them out. Today is cleaning day. We're beginning to tear the house apart and repair the things that are broken in preparation for putting the place on the market. I can't afford to keep it anymore and quite honestly I think its time to move on anyway. As much as I love this house it was our house. Glenda's and mine, and it doesn't feel as much like home anymore. I think its time to open a new chapter in my life. I love her and I miss her, but life, as they say, goes on. The appointment to get my tattoo is scheduled. There are probably other things I could spend my money on, but I have a gut feeling that for some reasons this is an important thing and I've learned to follow my gut. Its far more than a pretty picture to me. Its a symbol of what I've been, what I've become and what I will be. It is a unique symbol of me, drawn through a very good friend's eyes, and something I will strive to live up to every day. I know, that's a lot of stock put into a bunch of red and black dots driven into my body by a needle, but like I said, I have a much different perspective on life than I ever used to. Sometimes a symbol is all you have and blind faith that something that seems silly is the right thing to do is what a change in life all hinges upon. We're getting ready to go on our Memorial day camping trip and bear hunt in a few days. 5 days of camping and fun together with some good friends down on a glacial lake. We went last year and had an amazing time. The kids have been looking forward to this year since we went last year. Hopefully they have as good a time this year and t becomes THE annual summer tradition. We're working on new traditions now as well. We've begun the process of re-inventing our entire family structure and our lives. It won't ever be the same as it was, the perfect circle will become much more imperfect and oval, but with any luck we can keep the lines joined together into something that works. Time to head out again- I have a ton of homework I need to do by tonight and we have a full day of cleaning ahead of us. I hope everyone who reads this has a great day! Smile at a stranger, hug your family and enjoy being you because you're the only one of you there is.

As any of you who read this blog know, I REALLY try to avoid politics. I have no use for it, I think the whole system is screwed up beyond all hope of repair, and in general in response to political things I pull a fast ostrich and stick my head as far into the sand as it will go. Having said that, however, there are still times that something catches my attention and I can't help but stare in morbid fascination, much the same way someone would watch a train wreck or a drowning victim that they had no chance of reaching. There's nothing you can do, it is completely out of your power to help or change anything, and yet you can't seem to look away.  Obama's gay marriage statements are such a thing. I've seen those statements and I have to say, the man is amazing. Not as a political leader, which in my personal opinion he sucks at,  or as a spokesman for gay rights, but as a magician. He has developed political sleight of hand to a fine art. For me, its rather like rap music. I don't like it, but I can appreciate the effort that has gone into it. With one single interview, with ONE statement, he has completely drawn the attention of the entire voting public to something that, in the grand scheme of most people's every day lives, doesn't mean squat. It was a brilliant move and I give him credit for it. Honestly, I suspect he could care less about gay marriage one way or another, but to make that statement meant that EVERYONE is now focused on it. Newsweek has carried coverage, all the news agencies have jumped on it, the right wing republicans have been forced to respond to it..and it has all worked flawlessly to do the one thing it was intended to do. He has managed to take everyone's focus off of the little things like unemployment, rising gas prices, a failing economy...You know, the things that DO affect our every day lives which no politician wants to address because there is no easy fix for it that will keep them popular. So, since the real problems aren't easily fixed and no one in politics has the guts to come out and say "We have NO idea how to fix these problems" instead, with the grace and style of a Vegas stage magician he has deftly made people look at his left hand instead. I give you credit, Sir. You should take your place in history, Not with Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln, but with other huge names like P.T. Barnum, Harry Houdini and David Copperfield. You should trade your conservative presidential suit for gold lame and sequins. Truly, you stand with the other great sleight of hand experts and showmen of history. People will stare, fascinated, discussing whether the President is gay, wondering why he made such a controversial statement so close to the elections, while the entire country disappears out from underneath them. Sort of makes all the other great illusions in history seem a little more trivial, doesn't it?

Friday already! Beenie is spending a day or two with one of my friends so it will just be the boys and I. I sense a night of video games or night fishing and maybe a trip to the range coming up. We all need to make sure the bear guns are doing what they're supposed to be as well as making sure we can all still hit a target after not shooting during the long winter months. Ah..Chris, my visual thinking and writing instructor that gave me the assignment still had it on file! So, without any further ado, the short story based around a visual of a reel to reel tape player sitting on a floor.

I had first met Chuck Abernathy at the park.  It was a simple coincidence, or so I thought at the time. I had a rough week at work and was just sitting, staring out at the ducks on the pond when he wandered over and asked if I wanted to play a game of chess.  I decided to humor him and play. He seemed harmless enough. I figured he was somewhere between 50 and 500. He was one of those guys, you know?  We sat down at one of the tables and started playing. He was friendly enough and we started chatting about this and that. The guy was a wizard at chess! He must have beaten me 15 or 20 times that night. The hours flew by as we played. It seemed like Chuck knew something about everything. He never would tell me what he did, though. He would make some vague references about being an inventor. I met him again the next day, and the next. Soon the summer had flown by and we’d played all the way into October.


One cold day I hunkered down into my jacket against the chill as I walked to the park for our daily game. He wasn’t there, though. There was a note on the table that all the regulars had come to know as ‘ours’. I picked it up and read it. All that was on it was an address and one line scrawled below it. “Come as soon as you can. It’s very important. –Chuck” I whistled softly at the address, it was in the richest part of town. I had no idea that my buddy Chuck was that wealthy. I figured he was just a normal guy like me, if a bit eccentric. I had to see what this was about, so I grabbed a cab and headed over to Chuck’s house.


When I got to his place there was another sign on the door.


“Martin, come on in, it’s not locked- Chuck”
 

I started to wonder about this guy. I thought we were friends, but clearly I didn’t know the first thing about him. This whole thing was weird. I followed more signs and ended up in a den. In there I saw another sign with an arrow, this one pointing down at the floor where there was an old tape recorder. I slowly reached down and hit play. I kneeled down, closer to the recorder.  His voice came through loud and clear.


“Martin, Thanks for coming. First of all I wanted to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed our time together in the park these last months. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time!  I’ve spent this time getting to know you for a reason. I needed to make sure you were really the good guy you seemed to be. The chess games, the conversations, it was all a way to make sure that you were really the type of person I first judged you to be. I can’t be too careful, there are many people who would quite literally kill for what I’m about to tell you. Remember the conversations we had about there being something more to life than what is right in front of us? Well, we were absolutely right and I finally found it.  Let me take things one step at time, though. First, this house and my finances are yours now.. It’s all been properly willed to you. I have no use for them any longer since I won’t be returning to this time and place for any length of time.”


I chuckled, shaking my head. This HAD to be a joke. I knew Chuck had an odd sense of humor, but this was over the top! I decided to go along, though, and listen to the rest of the tape.


“I know, you think this is some elaborate joke, but it isn’t.” His slightly raspy voice continued. “During my lifetime I’ve made many useful inventions. The patents have earned me quite a sum of money which I am now giving to you. The more important thing by far, though, is the invention that I’ve told no one about before. Martin, I’ve found a way to slip between the very veils of time and space! I know, you think I’m a crazy old man. I expected that. Pause this tape and walk over to the bookshelf. Look in the fourth book on the left, top shelf.  Look up Leviticus 10, verse 17.”
I reached down, my hands trembling slightly, and paused the machine. This whole thing was crazy! I considered for a moment standing up, walking out of the house and walking away from this whole thing forever. Finally, though I decided that Chuck had been a good enough friend over these last few months that he deserved at least one act of blind faith. I stood and walked over to the bookshelf, taking down an ancient bible. I turned to the passage like he told me to and read;  “And the Lord came before Emmanuel and he said ‘Hello, Martin! Do you believe me now?’


I nearly dropped the book I was holding. The words were swimming in front of my eyes. I blinked and looked again. The same aged ink as the rest of the book, but it was clearly NOT the verse I expected to read. Finally I set the book down. I had to hear what was on the rest of that tape! Well, suffice it to say, it was incredible stuff. It turns out Chuck has had a lot of friends over the years. He hung out with da Vinci for a while, Nikolai Tesla later and that’s just a couple of them. He pops in occasionally for a quick game of chess and to check on things here. I FINALLY figured out why he was so good at chess. It turns out he invented the damn game!



Until next time,, I hope you have a wonderful life!

Well, I'm officially in Chill out mode at the moment. Finishing the last vodka and V8 splash for the night, listening to 'Shine on Crazy Diamond' by Pink Floyd and relaxing. Its about 2 AM and I need to get to bed soon, but I figured I'd throw something out here since I'm making a genuine attempt to write at least something every day. I was watching re-runs of MASH on DVD earlier and it struck me how truly amazing the writers of that show were. The 'Tuttle' episode was the one that really caught my attention. The creativity required to conceive of and then write that episode is truly comedic art in its highest form. I hope one day I can write something half that good. Speaking of writing, I'm going to throw another one of my short ones from school up here. I actually had a lot of fun writing it. This one stemmed from a picture the instructor posted of an old reel to reel tape player sitting on the floor agains the wall and we were supposed to write a short story that used it as a focal point. This is what I came up with: Hmm..I guess you are going to have to wait for that one- I can't find it at the moment. I'll toss up a different one for you. This was another 'story from a picture'. This one showed a classic GTO parked next to a phone pole on a quiet street. Its not one of my favorites, but it turned out ok, I guess..

Calvin Mathers rode his electric blue Schwinn past the same black car that he had seen across the street from the bank every day this week. His eyes narrowed suspiciously as he stared at it, slowing down to get a closer look. He noticed there was no license plate on the classic Pontiac.  Without even realizing it he stopped pedaling, his bike coasting to a stop next to the old car. 

Suddenly a head appeared in the window. Calvin’s eyes widened in shock as he stared at the man staring back at him. He froze, mouth open in surprise at the sudden appearance of someone in what he thought was an abandoned car. The man blinked a few times, rubbing his eyes. Obviously he had been napping in the warm afternoon sun. He smiled at Calvin as he put a cigarette in his mouth and lit it. “She’s a beaut, Ain’t she, Kid? “ He reached up and adjusted his battered old fedora. “Don’t see many like this baby these days, do ya?”  Calvin shook his head, still staring at the odd man.

The door of the car opened and the man stepped out onto the sidewalk. He stretched, groaning loudly and the scratched the dark stubble on his cheek. “Oh, Man, I’m stiff!” He chuckled. “She’s pretty, but the seats aren’t the best for sleeping on.” He looked down curiously at the boy. “Don’t talk much, do you?” He held out his hand. “I’m Benny.” Calvin stared at the rough hand in front of him for a moment as if it was a snake that might bite him. Finally he reached out and shook the calloused hand tentatively. “I’m Calvin.” He finally managed to squeak softly.

The man chuckled softly, dropping his cigarette on the sidewalk and crushing it with the toe of  his scuffed black oxford. “So, you can talk, hmm? Well, Calvin, I was wondering if you could maybe give me some information? It’s worth a soda if you can.” Calvin’s eyes narrowed suspiciously as he looked up at the man in front of him. “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers, mister.”  Benny nodded thoughtfully, reaching into his wrinkled black suit coat to grab a dark pair of sunglasses and slip them on. As he did the jacket swung open and Calvin saw the butt of a gun hidden in a shoulder holster. He nearly wet himself. This man WAS a bank robber! He looked around wildly, trying to figure out how to escape so he could go tell someone about him. Maybe he should go to the police station and tell them. There might even be a reward for this guy! He smiled as he thought about the headlines in the paper. “Local 12 year old boy captures bank robber single handedly!”

Suddenly Benny spoke again, shattering the daydream and reminding the boy he was still standing on the sidewalk next to a bank robber! “Well, Calvin, I figure since we introduced ourselves I’m not a stranger anymore, right?  So, maybe you can help me out? I just need to know if you’ve seen a big armored car showing up at the bank on a certain day while you’re out riding your bike.” Calvin looked thoughtful for a moment, as if pondering the question. “Geez, how stupid does this guy think I am?” he thought to himself, stalling for time. “If I tell him they might arrest me for helping him!” The boy idly scuffed the toe of his worn Ked across the sidewalk, making a show of thinking hard for the man in front of him. Finally a plan flashed into his head.

Of course! All he had to do was tell this guy when the armored car showed up and then run to the police station to tell his dad! This guy didn’t know that Dad was a captain on the police department. It was PERFECT! They’d know just when to nab him! The boy opened his mouth and spoke, hesitantly. “Um…Thu…Thursday, I think. Around 3:oo in the afternoon.” Benny smiled and nodded, reaching down.

Calvin thought for a moment he was going to grab him, lift him up and shake him until he confessed to masterminding this man’s inevitable arrest, but he just ruffled his hair and smiled. “Thanks, Kid. I appreciate it. That really helps me out. Here, I got something for you.” He turned and leaned into the car rummaging in the back seat. Calvin saw this as his opportunity to escape cleanly and jumped on his bicycle, pedaling away as fast as his legs could push him.

Benny stood up from digging in the car, a coke from the ice chest in the back seat dripping water on the sidewalk, three free passes to the circus in his hand. “Huh?” He thought to himself, seeing that the little boy was gone. “I guess he don’t like the circus! Oh well, the boss will be happy when I can get that check for the payroll cashed on Thursday. It’ll be good to be able to pay all the boys before we pack up and move on.” Mopping his sweaty brow with the ice-cold bottle he leaned against the car and watched the life going on in this tiny midwestern town. “Boy, not much going on here. I bet nothing exciting ever happens in this place!” 

See? I TOLD you'd I'd try to write more often! I don't really have much today to write about, though, so I figured I'd put some more writing up. This is a piece of 'Flash Fiction' which is a less than 600 word self-contained story. We write quite a bit of flash fiction for school to get used to getting our point across quickly and with a minimum of words. I've been kicking around thoughts about the gold rush days up here recently, and what it must have been like for the people that dropped everything and headed off into the gold fields, so I wrote this one. It wasn't for school, I just wrote this one because I felt like it. I hope you enjoy!

She closed the book, placed it on the table, and finally, decided to walk through the door. She paused, looking back through the door at the things that had been so important to her in her old life. The china tea set which had been a gift from Charles on their anniversary, the books that she had read lovingly so many times. She glanced down the walk at the waiting carriage. Luckily the driver had her trunk loaded already or she might have lost her nerve and never gone on what was going to be her great adventure.

She closed the door firmly, locking it and moving purposefully down the front walk. She smiled at him as he helped her up into the carriage. “Good day, Madame!” He gave her a smile as he closed the door. “It’ll be the train station we’re gong to, Is that correct?” She nodded to him as she settled back into her seat. “That’s right. I have a 12:00 train to Seattle I need to catch.” His eyes widened a bit at that. “Seattle Washington? That’s quite a trip from Boston! Are you visiting family out there?” She shook her head, anticipating the look of surprise on his face. “No, Sir, I’m going there to meet a ship. I’m heading for the gold fields in Alaska.” His eyebrows shot up in shock, but he chose not to comment. “Oh, my! We better get going then!” he swung onto his seat and began moving the carriage forward.

As they moved through the crowded streets she removed her bonnet, shaking her hair free. She considered what her friends would say if they saw her like this. She was 24 years old and a widow, since Charles’ accident. A simple messenger had shattered her whole world. Until that day the thought of leaving everyone and everything she knew and taking off on a wild adventure had been nothing more than a pleasant afternoon daydream. The idea of Alaska had become her favorite fantasy in those simple days. She couldn’t get the idea out of her head of Charles and her heading for the Klondike together since she had first read about the gold rush.

She knew it was never meant to be, of course. Charles had been a good, solid man, rising in the ranks of the banking world. He would never consider leaving on what he called ‘a fool’s errand’. The smile faded from her lips as she thought about what he would say if he could talk to her now. The way he looked so disapprovingly at one of his friends from Harvard when he stopped by to let them know he was heading for Alaska. She could hear his contempt even now. “You’re a damned fool, Theodore! Men don’t get rich in the gold fields! Most of them wind up penniless, begging for enough money to come crawling home. Why don’t you let me speak to them at the bank? I know your qualifications, you would do quite well there.” If he could see her now she’d get the same disapproving glare, the same type of lecture.

 She set her jaw resolutely. No, Charles was gone now. It was her life, her decision. The carriage pulled up to the train station. She opened the door and stepped out before the driver had a chance to open the door for her. As she looked at the train waiting at the station she nearly giggled, suddenly filled with a sense of exuberance as she gazed at it and the promise of the adventures in front of her.

Yeah, I know, its been forever since I've written. Sorry about that. I've been in a bit of a strange place lately. I guess I sort of just hit a wall for a few weeks. It was like every creative cell in my body just went dormant for a bit. I spent a lot of time wondering if I wanted to write because I love to write, or if I was actually in love with the idea of being a writer. So, i decided to take a short break from it and see how much I missed it. I actually looked into truck driving school because, lets face it, writing isn't the most definite source of income in the world. I've done some fishing with Beenie, learned how to trim a goat's hooves, tried to get the kids through the last few weeks of school and, in general, just existed. There have been a few times I've thought about getting on here and ranting about this or that that has made me blatantly angry, but I really don't want to turn this into a bitching post so I decided not to. In general spring is here, I saw the first robin so it must be. Snow is melting (still) and my yard is an absolute sea of mud. I'm getting ready to go bear hunting in a few weeks so I've been pulling out all the hunting gear, sharpening, cleaning and waterproofing. One thing that I've learned without question is that up here you have to make absolutely sure your gear is going to do what you expect it to or you're likely to either end up REALLY miserable or die, neither of which I'm all that willing to do. Oh, here's a cool bit of news, I'm planning on getting a new tattoo soon. A very good friend of mine is drawing it for me and it is absolutely AWESOME! I have a particular bond with ravens that I can't really explain, I like them and they seem really fond of me and so this drawing is of a norse designed raven that she has put some very native flourishes on. It's a beautiful blending of cultures and since I'm half norwegian and I've adopted Alaska so completely it seems to fit into my somewhat esoteric philosophies perfectly. A tattoo isn't something I should probably be wasting money on right now, but for some reason it feels like the right time and the right design so I'm not going to argue. I've definitely begun going with those strange feelings lately and somehow they always seem to steer me in the right direction so who am I to argue? Anyway, when I get it I'll put a picture of it up here so everyone can see how it turns out. I promise, I'll try to do better with writing more frequently. I've been through my first writers slump and faced it head on, and came out still wanting to write so I guess things are good in general. I hope everyone has a wonderful day and I'll write again soon!