Now, I am officially an American Refugee. I’m writing this in the light from a borrowed kerosene heater in a house with no electricity or running water while my family lays around me sleeping in sleeping bags on mattresses laying on the floor. Last Friday I found out what it feels like to be evicted from a house. I realized the levels of inhumanity and callousness as I watched my 9 year old daughter’s expression when I told her we had about an hour to grab everything that really mattered to her so we could be escorted off of our property. It was 16 degrees outside at the time. The Trooper that showed up was polite, you could even tell he felt bad about it. He was just doing his job, trying to keep his family from falling into the same situation I now found myself in. He reminded me the foreclosure had been judged back in August and we were supposed to be out of there long before they showed up. I explained to him that the lawyers for Wells Fargo had told me I was supposed to be served papers again, I was supposed to go back before the judge and explain why I wasn’t out yet. It is an incredibly difficult thing to move to a new place when you don’t have any money to do so. For month I’ve been walking a very precarious tightrope. The place I’m now living is because of a deal I worked out with the property owner. I stay on the property and hopefully my presence deters any more vandalism. Unfortunately it is about 5 miles away from power lines, there is no water heater or permanent heat source in the building we are living in, so I was trying to arrange for that so we could move somewhat comfortably. In fact, because I was trying to save money to move, my truck was repossessed less than 12 hours before I was removed from my house. This is the end of a steady downward spiral since Glenda was killed. The culmination of the end of my old life. It seems fitting somehow, that everything ended at once. So now, I am a refugee. I patched together my old Trooper, hopefully she holds together for a while. I found out yet again I have friends I can count on to help, no matter what. So, we start from the beginning again, rising like a phoenix from the ashes. Perhaps, eventually, the lawsuit against Wells Fargo for the illegal foreclosure of my house will give me some financial compensation, if not spiritual. Two of my cats are still locked in my old house and we have had to watch the oldest one suffer all weekend, her body failing because she was locked outside in a cold cage for hours until I could get back for her.  I begged for more time, 24 hours first, then 12, finally getting them to concede to an hour instead of the customary 15 minutes.  We will survive. We will become a stronger family unit because of this. Losing the house and the car quite honestly seem miniscule compared to losing my wife and their mother. I stand aghast at the inhumanity of Wells Fargo Home Mortgage, however, and I shake my head in disgust at a President that promises to take care of his people and then hands vile, despicable companies like that billions of dollars to assist them in ruining people’s lives.  He reminds me of the Caesars of ancient Rome. In their case they realized the Empire was falling so they held gladiatorial games that were ever more extravagant to take the people’s attention away from their miserable living conditions. In his case he hands out free cell phones and promises a stronger, better country while a nine year old girl is escorted out of her house in 16 degree weather. As I said, we will rebuild our lives. We have faith, not in any government or organization to help us, but rather in each other, and our friends. We will survive because of that. I encourage anyone who reads this, liberal or conservative, rich or poor, don’t believe the lies that you are told. There is no help for the unfortunate in America. There is no system that will help you through hard times, no matter how fond they are of telling you there is. There is only vile, cold, uncaring businesses and a government that defends them and hands them billions of dolars so they can spread their greed and corruption further. On the grandest scale no one cares about the suffering of their fellow man, only about the bottom line and the profit margin. If we would not have had this place to go to we would literally be living on the street, or in a tent, possibly staying with friends because we had no place else to go, and no one in any government cares. These are the people who are running for re-election. I encourage all of you as you are heading to the polling place to remember a little girl being kicked out into the cold by the smiling, waving son of a bitch who promised to take care of the American people, who said this sort of thing was unacceptable. Remember her and remove the Caesar before all you have left is to go to the gladiatorial games to forget how bad things really are.

So, now I'm interested. Donald Trump decided to post this challenge to Obama this morning.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgOq9pBkY0I

I'm curious to know what my readers think of it. To me, it seems to make perfect, logical sense. I don't find it in any way offensive, no different than someone who has no worries about being the father of a baby would about taking a DNA test. If there is nothing there, then why not come out and show people? It would seem to me that it would be a WONDERFUL stunt, especially this late in the election game. Let's see what you've got, Mr. President. Go ahead and climb that ladder to the moral high ground.. Make everyone below you ashamed that they ever challenged your greatness. You have a chance to stop, once and for all, everyone who has challenged your right to have been elected in the first place. In addition you could be directly responsible for Trump having to contribute 5 MILLION dollars to your favorite organization. Imagine how much that would make the right wing conservatives squirm, if you decided to have him donate the money to an LGTB cause.. If anyone read my blog yesterday I think its pretty obvious what I personally think of you, but hell, I've been proven wrong before. Of course, even if you come forward and meet the challenge I won't gain a LOT of respect, simply because of your 4 year track record, but at least it would prove to everyone without a shadow of a doubt that you have had the right to screw up the country for the last 4 years. But, alas- *sigh* I suspect you won't rise to the challenge. If you acknowledge it at all you will be utterly offended by it, shocked at the audacity of someone to challenge that what you claim is true. You will claim that it is no one's business but your own and you will refuse to compromise your morals because it is below you to do so. You will shake your head and smirk sarcastically and very little will come of it. Your supporters will be behind you, of course, calling Trump names and shifting the spotlight over to everything HE has done wrong over the years because that is the way of small men and cockroaches when a focused light is put on their flaws and accusations. They shrink away and run from the light of truth, trying to hide in the shadows that are cast by others who bask in the same light. Again, I am not a Republican, nor am I particularly conservative in my views, nor do I particularly care for Romney, but I DID notice that when a similar challenge was posted to him he at least produced what was asked for, and there was no monetary gain involved in the question. So, on this particular issue I have to stand grudgingly at Trump's side and ask. If there is nothing to hide in your records then please, step off the moral high horse for a moment, swallow your pride and show the American people that you have every right to be in your position. Prove how wrong we are to be suspicious of a man who has steadfastly refused to produce evidence of his qualifications as opposed to us just taking your word for things. Because honestly, as I pointed out yesterday, to me your word isn't really worth a whole lot.

It occurs to me as the election draws closer that we are a nation doomed to fail. Harsh words, I know, but an unfortunate truth. Simply put, the selections that we have made for our presidential candidates clearly show that the United States is on a path of destruction. I hear my liberal friends not talking about how great Obama is, but instead how bad Romney is. I hear my conservative friends doing the same thing from the other side. I have frequently heard how one side or the other is behind their candidate simply to keep the other one out of office. There is no honor any more. There are no more 'good' leaders. Words like 'Honor' and 'Integrity' have become vilified relics of an ancient and forgotten past.  In fact, if Obama's word was worth ANYTHING he would have had the dignity to not even run for re-election this time based on a statement he made shortly after inauguration. Some of you may remember this quote: "If I cannot fix the economic problems in this country in 3 years I will be a one term President" The statement was not that he would try, or that he would do his best, but that he WOULD fix the problems, or he would not seek reelection. Well, along comes 4 years later and anyone with a small percentage of a brain can look around and see things aren't fixed. In fact, things are much worse than they were before. Now, I'm not pointing fingers saying its all his fault, because its not. What I AM saying is that he blatantly lied to the American people and then chose to ignore that fact. Anyone with a base amount of integrity would have been approached to run for re-election, shaken his head and said, "Nope. I can't do it. I made a direct promise and I wasn't able to keep it. Sorry, but you need to find someone else." Instead, he blames everyone else. He makes excuses. You know what? I don't care WHY you couldn't do what you said, I only care about what you said and what DIDN'T happen. If he was remotely any sort of a creature with a spine he would have shaken his head sadly, shrugged and stepped down because he broke a promise no matter what the reason was for it. This fact, above and beyond any of the other issues, tells me that this man has no integrity. This is what some people want as an elected leader of our country. Now, if this was a statement that had been made during the bid for election, I could forgive it to a certain extent, but it was a statement that was made AFTER he was elected. This type of behavior is exactly the reason I say the country is doomed. We will shatter and fall to pieces as a nation because none of the elected leaders have any integrity or honor. They will make excuses and blame anyone they can remotely get away with pointing a finger at as insurance companies and banks tighten the nooses more and more, large corporations and private interests bleed us dry, chipping away slowly at the ability of the middle class to survive. Would Romney be any better? I doubt it. The difference is he would only have 4 years to do damage to the country, as opposed to 8. Conduct an experiment, it will drive my point home clearly. Take a bucket full of termites and let them go in your house. After 4 years the house will show signs of damage, things will need to be fixed, but it will still be essentially stable. Now- don't get rid of them or fix any of the damages. Let them sit there and gnaw at the structure for 8 years. See how close your house is to falling down. Now, instead, after 4 years remove the termites and put in carpenter ants. They are going to attack different parts of the house. They aren't going to make things better, but at least the damage will be spread around a bit. It truly saddens me that the best we can come up with as what was formerly a strong nation has to pick between the termites and the carpenter ants to work on our house. It would be nice to be able to elect a carpenter instead, someone who was more concerned with fixing the problems, as opposed to taking what they wanted to thrive at the expense of the structure.

I was just sitting here listening to some music and it suddenly occurred to me. This country needs some heroes. I don't mean sports figures doing lines of cocaine behind the bleachers, or weaselly politicians making up any lies they can as they go along just to get people to follow them blindly, I mean actual heroes. Those larger than life individuals who, throughout history, have had the courage and conviction to stand up for what they thought was wrong and fix it, through whatever means were necessary. When did heroes go out of fashion, anyway? Was it around the time that wimpy became sensitive? Maybe it was around the time that 'Politically Correct' became the new norm and people started being afraid of saying anything because it might be construed as offensive to someone. When did being weak become an attractive trait? more importantly WHY did weak become an attractive trait? We've traded our black and white heroes for fifty shades of grey. Maybe I'm a throwback, perhaps somewhat of a barbarian. I smoke and I drink whiskey and I think that when someone does something wrong they should be punished for it, more to the point, they should be brave enough to stand up and accept that punishment. People don't do that anymore. They look around and peek and snivel and listen at keyholes to find someone else to blame. Our heroes have traded in their cowboy hats and six guns for polo shirts and excuses. Some people say that we're advancing as a race because of that. Personally I think we've lost more that we can possibly imagine. We're losing a vital part of ourselves through endless amounts of litigation, counseling and this crazy idea what 'we must all just get along'. The unfortunate fact is that we haven't advanced far enough to 'all just get along' yet. That thought only works if there are no more bad guys. The world is still full of bad guys. Now though, thanks to these strange new standards we raise THEM up as heroes. Whoever can get away with more wins. I think maybe it starts early, in school now. It used to be that when there was a bully on the playground it would be only tolerated for so long and then they would end up getting punished for it, many times when someone was just sick enough of being bullied that they finally stood up and defended themselves or those who couldn't for one reason or another. Back in the day I suspect many long term life lessons were imparted on the school playground. Now we have 'anti-bullying coalitions' that have staged wonderful campaigns to 'stop bullying'. Kids are taught from the time they go to school that bullying is bad and if they see it they should tell a teacher. Well, great thought- except it doesn't work. The bullies just get sneakier about it. Whatever drives them to behave the way they do hasn't CHANGED any, they just have to become more intelligent and work around the system. (I suspect the ones that get REALLY good at it grow up to become lawyers and politicians) but in any case, when the opportunity arises they still go back to whatever drives them, except now they are even WORSE because they've learned how to scheme and plan much worse instances of bullying instead of just slamming a kid against his locker and demanding his lunch money. Now they're more likely to follow their perspective target home and knife him in a dark alley. The other side of this coin is the victim- Children are told to not fight back, no matter what, and are actually punished as much, or more than the bully themselves if they deign to defend themselves. They are told to 'tell someone' if something happens. In essence, the courage to stand up for themselves is being bred out of children. Little Johnny finally stood up for himself and faced his fears and the bully has instead become Little Johnny bravely ran to the teacher and cried for help. We have effectively created an environment where everyone is dependent upon the magnanimous Authority to save them and that its bad for them to stand up for themselves. They should let the Authority figures do it for them and protect them so all can get along in peace and harmony. Not such a huge leap to see why our society is becoming weak and pathetic, is it? Now, I'm sure there are those of you who will be entirely indignant and say I'm absolutely wrong about my theories. Well, that's very possible and you are more than welcome to your own opinions. However, I WILL point out, in defense of my observations, that when I was a child, back in the dark ages before anti-bullying programs, there were no metal detectors in school and no one I knew was ever shot or stabbed. There were a few miserable days (Yes, I WAS bullied occasionally as a kid) but the thought committing suicide because no one would save me never even crossed my mind. Problems came along and were dealt with, just like in real life. Its just a crazy thought, and likely one that doesn't fit well in the modern mold of today's 'poor me' society, but maybe its time to teach kids how to be heroes again, instead of victims.

Sorry I haven't posted i a while, Things have been beyond hectic around here. As anyone who reads this knows, I have to get out of my house due to a foreclosure. Well, after looking everywhere around here I found a place. It is an abandoned property up in the mountains and I will have a chance to stay there as a caretaker until the place sells. This is an AWESOME thing even though there is no electricity, heat, the water heater has been removed and I have to supply my own liability and renter's insurance- Thus problem 1. I was planning on moving my wood stove up there and using it as a primary heat source. Here begins the stupidity of modern insurance. Since the place is more than one (1)!!! block away from a fire hydrant it is essentially uninsurable if I decide to heat with wood. Scratch the free plan. So.... on to step 2. Instead of being able to buy a decent generator I now get to instead spend a bit over 1000$ (Closer to 1500 by the time the dust settles) an a Toyo fuel oil stove, then get to deal with the added expense of fuel oil deliveries. I'm still waiting on a modified quote for the insurance going THAT route, I may be able to get it now, but who the hell knows how expensive insurance will be. Anyway- Life is a balancing act, full of frustration and despair, but I refuse to fall off the tightrope. I'm clinging like a three toed sloth with tendenitis right now, but I'm still hanging on. My point in telling this story is this, though- How exactly did we get to become a society that is SO screwed up that someone who is doing their best has to overcome this obscene list of constant challenges? I mean, really- The bank refused to work with me so I had to find another place to live with winter coming on, I couldn't find a NORMAL place because rent was far to expensive for me to afford and according to the people with government rental assistance the waiting list is MONTHS long, even if I COULD have found a place they likely wouldn't have let my animals stay there anyway ( I know, some of you are asking why the animals are so important. To you I say- Read some of the older blog posts, I've tried to explain it) - so I find a place that, while not perfect, is someplace where we can be warm, dry and reasonably secure and then the insurance nazis won't let me move there because there likely isn't a FIRE HYDRANT within 60 miles of the location. I mean. come on, People! Has ANYONE else noticed the pattern here? I have been fighting banks, government and large corporations simply to try to exist. Not to live in the Waldorf, not to milk the system, merely to survive. I live in the freaking bush in Alaska and I'm going through this, I can't imagine what you poor saps down in the lower 48 have to deal with. Life has gotten crazy, complicated and impossible simply so the rich folks can get richer and the political machine can keep grinding on, spewing its filth and lies like toxic waste. I picture a perfect political cartoon in my head that I would LOVE to see if anyone on here knows how to draw. A steamroller labeled 'big corporations' driven jointly by both of the political candidates as it rolls slowly over whatever remains of this country, crushed and flattened people and families in its wake. See? If I could draw I would be a cutting edge satirist! Instead I suppose I'm stuck being a frustrated citizen who vents on an anonymous blog. To quote a Pink Floyd song this morning- Welcome to the Machine.

I finally had to log out of Facebook for a while today. The amount of political BS on there finally pushed me over the edge. Its unfortunate, I use FB to talk to a lot of people very close to me, but I just can't handle the amount of hatred that is showing itself.What I don't understand is why? Typically, historically campaigns have been all about fans of either candidate spouting how great their chosen person is, arguing against the policies and stances of 'the other guy' and continuing this ad nausea until the election is over. This election is different though. I see insults being hurled back and forth, but very little to say why people think 'their' guy would be a great leader. There are jokes, slams, insults- Nothing seems to be out of line anymore. I have seen multiple posts (Sorry any liberals reading this, but you guys are by FAR the worst) calling for Romney to kill himself, calling for Romney to die, referring to Romney with frequent expletives beginning with 'F'..  These are the people who claim to be the 'educated' ones, who pride themselves on being 'free thinkers'. They proudly put their hand over their heart and pledge allegiance to a man instead of a nation while they fly vile parodies of the American flag proudly and don't see a thing wrong with altering the symbol of our nation with someone's face. At this point my greatest hope is that Alaska will make the decision to secede from the union. I don't want to play anymore. Both sides are cheating, the game is rigged and the only winners are going to be the ones who did the rigging. I've come to the conclusion I was born a couple of hundred years to late. I would much rather have lived in a period where there was honor and a certain code of behavior as opposed to increased technology and a general vileness and lack of honor which is considered normal.

        I'm sitting here drinking a cup of Chai, listening to the wind rage outside and thinking. It can be an interesting pastime, thinking. Something people don't do nearly enough of anymore. People seem to talk a lot, voice a lot of opinions, make a lot of posts on Facebook (Which I am also REALLY guilty of, by the way) but they don't seem to think. When I do this my thoughts run all over the place, usually ending up taking me off on some crazy adventure or telling me a story. Well, I AM a writer, after all, so I suppose that's natural. On this particular day, while drinking this particular cup of chai, my thoughts were running along the lines of politics and the world at large. Mostly how we've come to be where we are as a world. Now, I know I talk a lot about US politics, well, at least about how I think they SHOULD be, but lets look at the world for a minute. What would happen if we took all the BS away and looked at things logically? I saw a post on Facebook earlier with a picture of a knight Templar wielding a huge mace and a caption which stated 'We're back" That honestly made me sad to see. That simple picture told me that humanity hasn't managed to progress in the last oh, 1000 years or so? (No, its not an exact date, but its a LONG damn time ago) Humanity is still fighting the same war of faith. The funny thing is, we're fighting over two religions that both ESSENTIALLY say the same thing. In a thousand years we, as humans, are still fighting over which one of us is more right about which way is the better way to live in peace and harmony. Does anyone else see the irony in that? If anyone can fill me in on exactly what is going on I would love to hear it. Not the usual "well, they did THIS so we did THAT" kinda stuff, but what is actually going on? Is it the fact that we honestly, when all the rules, policies and beliefs are stripped away, just LOVE to fight with each other? That we will use any excuse possible to do the most atrocious things to each other in the name of.. whatever we decide to use to justify our cause? Is it about money? Maybe you can believe the tinfoil hats and its about power. Someone wanting to 'control the world'? Wow- what a CRAPPY job that would be! WHO in their right mind would want to rule the world? We can't even seem to get little bits of it right. That was always my problem with super-villians in comic books. Imagine taking over- ruling the world with an iron fist. Mua ha ha! Victory is yours! So.. what then? You still have to KEEP that power once you have it. You would have to deal with endless paperwork, subjugated peasants coming in at all hours of the day and night, begging for food, asking you to settle their petty squabbles.. Ech. So what's the plan, super villain? Do you make all of your subjects exactly the same? Do you give everyone technology or take it away from them? Are some areas of the world your favorites? I can't even imagine the stress being King of the world entail. See, these are the strange thoughts chai and high winds and rain bring on. I realize exactly how much I don't understand and, not understanding I can't say if its wrong or right. It seems like everyone loves to have their political opinions, but then they just gloss over the bad stuff that results from the good stuff they want.
     I've had people ask me what I would do if I had my way- How I would fix the problems of the world. The simple fact is that I have no idea. I mean, I have a COUPLE of ideas that might get the ball rolling, but as far as fixing everything? That would be tough. Not really all that hard in an objective, logical, make the problem go away sort of way, but tough because everyone clings SO tightly to their opinions of things. Lets look for a moment at what's going on around the world. Muslims are reacting violently to (theoretically) some silly movie made by some silly people who had an opinion and decided to share it and release it to the world. Now, our logic would dictate that it would be a normal thing to be angered if someone else 'dissed' your religion of choice. In most of the world there would be strongly worded letters sent, perhaps a boycott, even a protest at the opening with charismatic people standing up and shouting and some chanting and maybe a sit in and bumper stickers sold.. Radical Muslims are convinced its okay to kill over it. My personal opinion of that behavior is that the rest of the world should get together and deal with them harshly for that. Not out of a sense of vengeance or retaliation, merely because it is not acceptable behavior when we are all pretty much stuck on the same rock and are forced to co-exist. To me its no different than dealing with a school bully on the world's playground. Instead we apologize and make excuses and do our best to appease them, which only serves to make things worse. Find a school bully sometime and apologize to him because you MADE him take the skinny kid's lunch money, then make 4 other kids give him THEIR lunch money and watch how he behaves the next day. They need to be slapped and punished and told that their behavior is entirely unacceptable and won't be tolerated. If they don't like it they are as welcome to build a spaceship and leave this communal rock as anyone else is.
          It seems to me that the most dangerous person in the world is someone who is convinced that they are right. As soon as they make that decision, that their way is 100% correct and everyone else is wrong you end up with huge mounds of problems. That's what happened with Hitler. I'm sure he didn't wake up every morning and look into the mirror while he trimmed his sporty little mustache and cackle with glee saying to himself "Mua ha ha.. I am THE most evil man in modern history!" No- he was convinced he was right in his beliefs. I'm sure he thought he was the good guy and was willing to kill as many people as it took to prove it. Thinking that you are right, completely, totally, 100% right about ANYTHING will always lead to a fight. It removes any and all options. Once you are right either everyone HAS to agree with you or you are willing to die (or kill) for your beliefs. When you are right no other opinion can coexist with yours because it is automatically then wrong. Actually, I suspect that is what the whole 'turn the other cheek' thing in Christianity is about. You can be a devout member of a religion and still acknowledge other religions.(Or at least other people's rights to believe differently than you do.)  Its okay. I will guarantee whoever your higher power of choice is doesn't care. If He, She, It or They did they would likely have rained hellfire and 3 week old rotten shrimp on their enemies by now. Anyway, I've rambled enough for today. Have a great day, hug the people you love, twice if you REALLY love them, and keep an open mind. Use your hands to cling tightly to the things you believe, instead of using them to strike out at someone who believes differently and maybe we can start a trend. Who knows- Maybe if we keep trying we'll eventually get it right.  Peace.

There was once a mighty eagle who flew high and proud in the sky. The entire world watched as that eagle soared above them, higher and higher. The eagle saw fighting in the world below and it swooped down and stopped the mighty battles from happening. After the battles were ended the eagle saw the damage it had inflicted with its great claws and was sorry, so it plucked out some of its own wing  feathers to help the other creatures rebuild their world. When it flew again it struggled a bit, but it gained the air and soon began soaring again. After a while the eagle began feeling strange pains, stabbing, sharp pains through his body. He looked at himself and saw feathers falling off of him, one by one. He realized he was losing altitude. When he got low enough he felt another sharp blow. Some of the creatures had started throwing sharp sticks at him as he came closer to the ground. The eagle let out a screech and landed, hard, but he stood up, not so easily defeated. He snapped at the creatures and raked them with his claws until they ran and hid in their holes once more. Staggering, he went to a stream to get a drink. He saw his reflection in the water and was shocked. Once the mightiest creature in the world he was now frail and weak, ripped open from the sharp sticks and the illness he was feeling. Parasites and worms moved just under his skin and he clawed at them with his talons, and bit at them with his beak, making himself bleed more. As he sat morosely by the water he heard a faint calling in the distance. He listened for a moment, hearing the calls beckoning to him. It was the voice of the obumbum bird calling him. He staggered over to where the bird was sitting on a branch, looking down at him. The bird smiled down reassuringly. "Don't fear, Great Eagle. I can fix all of your problems for you! Put your trust in me and I will make everything better!" The poor, beaten eagle looked up into the smiling face of the bird and nodded. "I certainly hope you can change the way I'm feeling right now. I don't know what happened to me! Everything seemed like it was perfect and suddenly I just began falling apart!" The obumbum bird nodded wisely, jumping down from his branch. "Well, let me take a look at you, Eagle." He circled the eagle slowly, nodding in deep thought. "Hmm.. Well, I see part of your problem- Those talons of yours, they are MUCH to sharp! You have hurt yourself with them!" Eagle looked down at his talons anxiously. "But, I've had these all my life, I cannot just get rid of them now! They are part of who I am!" The wise obumbum bird smiled and shook his head, speaking to eagle patronizingly, comforting him like a small child. "Of course, I would NEVER try to take your talons, Eagle! I have just the thing right here." He produced a file and began working on Eagle's talons, taking them away bit by bit until they were dull. "There! Now you cannot hurt yourself with those awful black talons anymore!" Eagle looked at his dull talons doubtfully. "Well.. I suppose, I DO still have them after all, but it still hasn't fixed my problem! The reason I was scratching at myself is all of these horrible things under my skin, Mr. obumbum bird! You haven't fixed my problem at all, only what I was using to try to protect myself from it! All these things are still tearing me apart from the inside!" The obumbum bird nodded again, thoughtfully. "Well, I can see you still have a problem. That is obvious, but I think its starting to get better, don't you?" Eagle looked into the stream doubtfully. He craned his neck looking himself over. Suddenly the obumbum bird clapped his wings. "OH! I know what the problem is! You still see the things under your skin! Here, let me fix that and it will be all better then!" The obumbum bird grabbed a blindfold and wrapped it around Eagle's head, making it so he couldn't see anything at all anymore. Eagle shivered at the sudden darkness, but still trusting the wise bird, said nothing, instead deciding to go along with things once more. 'There!" the bird said happily. "Now you can't see whats wrong anymore and you can't scratch at yourself, so everything must be better, right?" Eagle stood for a moment, the pain of the things wiggling under his skin making him shiver. He shook his head negatively. "No, I don't think so, Mr. obumbum bird. I still feel the pain and I think I'm getting weaker!" The obumbum bird sighed and shook his head sadly. "Eagle," He said solemnly, "I have done my absolute best to fix you. I have told you that you are getting better, I have dulled your talons so you cannot hurt yourself, I have binded your sight so you can't look at yourself and see your problems anymore..I only know of one more thing left to do to help you." Poor Eagle stood, shivering and weak. He didn't FEEL any better, in fact he was feeling worse, but the obumbum bird was so wise that he couldn't be wrong.. Finally he nodded in agreement. "Very well, my friend. You say you have helped me and I believe you. Please.. go ahead and do the final thing. I just want to feel better, I don't care what it takes." The obumbum bird grinned widely and nodded, taking a green vine off of a nearby tree. He wrapped eagle's beak tightly, so the once mighty bird could no longer speak. He stood back and surveyed his work critically, finally nodding. "There you go, Eagle. I have fixed all of your problems now, don't you agree?" Eagle tried to open his beak to tell the obumbum bird that he was still not feeling well, but he could no longer talk. The obumbum bird took the silence as agreement and smiled wider. "I am SO glad I could help you, Eagle! Now, go back and soar proudly in the skies once again!" He patted Eagle on the back and sent him on his way. Poor Eagle staggered off through the forest, now blind and defenseless, no longer even able to fly or speak to anyone. Eventually he sat down under a tree and thought for a while. "Well, I guess it IS true, I cannot see my wounds, so maybe they aren't there, and I can't tell anyone I'm hurting, so maybe I'm not feeling the pain I thought I was. When I try to scratch the places that still itch no more wounds form, so I MUST be all better then!" Making up his mind finally, Eagle staggered to his feet, swaying proudly through the forest. Eventually he found a clearing and spread his tattered wings to try to fly once again. He flapped his wings, but they were just to tattered to work properly anymore, he could not get into the air as effortlessly now. He flapped harder, his feet still on the ground. Frustrated he flapped as hard as he could, finally lifting a foot into the air before feeling his dull talons touch the earth once again. He heard happy clapping coming from a branch above him. He looked around, but he still could not see. Finally he heard the voice of the obumbum bird once again. "Se how well you are doing, Eagle? You were soaring proudly again, all thanks to me! Why, if you let me continue to treat you you are only going to get stronger! Soon you will be miles high again and all the world will stand in awe of you!" The obumbum bird looked around at the other branches and saw all the buzzards sitting there, looking down at poor Eagle on the ground. He winked at them and smiled. "Yes, VERY soon, Eagle. My skills have never failed yet!"

Today is September 11th. It is a day that marks a change it the world we all knew. Many people died that day, some of them guilty of nothing more than getting up and not calling in sick to work or making their flight on time, others dying as true heroes, putting their lives and welfare out of their minds as they rushed into a massive burning building in an attempt to save their fellow humans. They will not be forgotten. Those people stand for something, whether they were innocent victims or threw themselves into the jaws of hell willingly to try to save others. They died because they were Americans. Some of them weren't citizens, they may have just been visiting our country, but at the time they died they were citizens as much as any other. The attacks of 9/11 were a blow against the freedom that this country stands for. Honestly, it doesn't matter who ultimately engineered the attack, it was a direct assault to living in a world where people are free to make their own choices. I've noticed that today everyone has either 'liked' or posted on Facebook about 9/11. "We won't forget" and "Always remembered" are the favorites it seems. Are we really telling the truth, though? DO we remember? Yes, we remember the attack, but have we really stopped to look at WHY they happened? Have we changed our way of thinking in any way? To me it seems that the best way to honor those who died that day would be to live well. To throw off the reigns of oppression, stand proudly waving our flag and scream to the world "Look at us! You attacked us and still we stand defiant! We are strong and we are free and we will never change that!" Unfortunately we HAVE changed that. We have given up freedoms almost daily since those attacks of that day. We cower in lines at airports because the government tells us we should be afraid to fly. We've allowed phone taps and security checks and all manner of foul things all in the name of 'safety' so we don't need to worry about things. We let fear rule our lives now, instead of freedom. We have failed to realize that an animal in the zoo is undoubtably safer from the dangers of life than an animal running free, but which one has a better quality of living? We honor those people that fell on the anniversary of the happening, but we don't really do anything in our day to day lives to make their deaths meaningful. We argue and bicker about politics instead of standing together as a country. We let more and more of those precious freedoms slip through our fingers as we are busy screaming about which one is right. I've watched what is happening during the election campaigns and honestly, for the first time in my life, I'm ashamed to call myself an American. I was completely disgusted by the elections 4 years ago, I thought it was a complete and total media circus, but this one far surpasses that one in pettiness and viscousness. The country that is supposed to stand together against all enemies foreign and domestic is turning on itself like a pack of rabid dogs. So, on this day, the anniversary of 9/11/2001- I ask you, as Americans, as people- to look around you, take stock of just one freedom that has been given up since those attacks and ask yourselves if the cage that is being built around you is for security and safety, or just another thing taking your freedom away. Honor those fallen men and women through free thinking and free living, as opposed to putting up another Facebook post.

Well, the house hunt continues. The pure joy and rapture of trying to find a place to live when you can't afford to live in one while you wait for the strange car to show up in your driveway any day telling you that you have to get out of your house. Ah well, such is life I suppose. The strange thing is I have a very positive feeling about all of it. I'm looking forward to moving on with life, re-inventing who I am and who we are as a family. I've decided I'm going to be a writer when I grow up. I figure its a noble goal and will completely justify some of my eccentricities if I'm successful at it because, after all, everyone expects a writer to be a bit off his nut, right? Eddie, the goat, found a new home and word is he's doing well. We were sorry to see him go, but he can get much better care where he went than what we could give him at the moment and besides, I didn't think he would likely ride well in the back seat of my X-terra. Right now I'm hoping to find a place where I can keep my dogs. I know to some people they are just dumb animals, but to us they are members of the family that were here with us throughout the really bad times last year. When Aoibheann was crying for her mother sometimes at night and only having a dad around wasn't enough one of the dogs would inevitably curl up next to her and lick her nose until things were better again. I can't bring myself to just abandon the creatures that offered so much comfort to the kids when they needed it the most. So, gentle readers, I grin widely and wave to you from the edge of the abyss of life while I circle slowly and look for a place to land for a time. Remember, good or bad, life is an adventure. You can either get out there and live it, or you can sit and read drivel like this! Well.. what are you waiting for? Go live!  Really- I'm done talking now, I have things to do. go have an adventure.. Shoo now.. we'll talk later!

In case any of you missed my triumphant (And groggy) post on Face book earlier I finally finished the rough draft of my first novel. Well, not my FIRST actually, there are several others, all in various stages of completion. I've come to realize that every long piece of writing is a lot like a relationship. You are completely in love with it at first, enamored, can't think of anything else. In other words, The Honeymoon Phase. Unfortunately, in writing and in life this doesn't last nearly long enough and suddenly writing the story you were so madly in love with at first becomes routine, normal. You still progress on it, but it doesn't have the same drive, the same passion as when you started. Then you hit the rough times. Those times when you look back over your work and want to throw it all out. Scrap it as a useless waste of your time. You wonder what the hell you were ever thinking, this story was a bad idea from the beginning and its time to move on with your life, maybe write a couple of short stories, have a short literary fling, just to get some excitement back into your writing. If you're feeling particularly daring maybe play around with some poetry or even a script or two, just for thrills. Your story will still be there, it'll be waiting for you when you want to come back to it. And that's when most of my novels are still sitting. It seems like once I hit that point if I walk away I can't seem to get the same feeling for it as when I started. Most of them are parked still, sitting, waiting patiently on a hard drive or in a folder, untouched for several years while my life has moved on. Well, I finally finished one. Just the rough draft, mind you, there's still a lot of work to put into it before its ever ready for publication- but the story is done. I suspect I feel at the moment like most people do on their 50th or 60th wedding anniversary. I weathered the storm with this book. I stayed true to the writing and I finished it. There is no better feeling I can remember having other than celebrating an anniversary with my Wife. So..moral of the story- Stick with those books, People. Even though they might be tough at times in the end the result is worth it!

So- After watching election ads ad nauseum, listening to the radical left wing, the radical right wing, everyone glaring at each other, all the ridiculous amounts of anger and hate associated with the upcoming elections I have come to a realization. WOW are people getting  played like finely tuned instruments! The media..on BOTH sides... are whipping everyone into a frenzy, the election ads all seem to point out how rotten the other guy is, (I've noticed VERY little about how great either candidate is, just how bad everyone else is) Battle points are being 'conveniently' provided for people to rally around. (Does anyone find it a strange coincidence that although the gay marriage debate AND CHIK-A-FILA have both been around for literally YEARS and have likely always held the same opinions as they do now, nothing was said about it before?) The truth of the matter people is this: We have 2 choices. We all have to live in the same country or move. There it is. That's our options. Well, or we could have a bloody revolution, shoot each other for having different beliefs, allow our country to get ripped apart so its really easy for another country to walk in and take over..I SUPPOSE that's an option, even if not a good one. Seriously, everyone- Anybody who reads my random babbling- I'm going to ask you one favor. It'll only take a second and I promise it won't hurt. Think of ONE thing that you have in common with a member of the 'opposing' party. I don't even care what it is. It can be as simple as "Hey- You know..both of us have 10 fingers on our right hand!" Honestly, one thing, one person. Its a start. Maybe that liberal bastard was complaining about the same grocery prices you were when you were stuck in line with him at the store. Maybe that gun crazy pro hunting right wing bitch stopped to admire the same baby laying in a stroller that you did. It doesn't matter what it is. 1 thing in common is the start of common ground. Once we have common ground we can have dialogue. Its an amazing gift humanity has created. We can talk to each other. Not yell at each other, not accuse or bereave, but talk. Once we talk, we can compromise. once we figure that little gem out, we can move to co-exist. After we can get back to THAT,  who knows where we might go. Stop letting the media make your decisions for you. Stop letting political adds whip you into a slavering frenzy. Think for yourselves, and think toward how you COULD get along with someone who believes differently than you do, as opposed to how wrong they are and they should change because you think differently than they do. If something really and truly affects your every day pursuit of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, by all means say something about it, but make sure it REALLY affects you and isn't just something you don't disagree with in principal. Stop being a willing puppet of those people who would dearly love to have a nation full of dull eyed sheep who follow their leaders docilely in to be sheared and then slaughtered so they can be laid on the silver platters of those in control and served with a nice mint jelly. I was pondering this morning about the terms that are bandied about so freely. Right wing, Left wing... I began wondering WHY we use those terms and then a raven landed outside my window. He looked at me for a moment and flew off and I realized something. He had to use BOTH wings together to fly. In my humble (And likely deluded opinion) it seems to me that it would work the same way for a country. Aesop was correct. United we stand, divided we.. well, I think everyone knows the rest.

Ah,, Procrastination, thou art a cruel mistress, yet I cannot seem to resist you~ Why is it that every time I have a chance to write I'm not in the mood to so I find any excuse in the world not to and when I am insanely busy I come up with the most amazing idea that I can't wait to put down? I think that's the magical difference between a writer and someone that wants to be, being able to sit down and put words down no matter whether you feel like doing to or not. Maybe someday I'll master that. In the meantime I seem to have an endless fascination with conversing on line. Even though it takes time away from my writing, I find the chance to converse with someone an endlessly fascinating pastime and I don't think I'll ever get to the point that I won't put aside my work to have a chance to say hello to someone! I have progressed, though- I have reached the point where I can (After chatting for a while) say that I'm in the process of writing and I really need to get back to it. most people are amazingly understanding of this fact. Speaking of which, if you'll all excuse me, I have an idea bouncing around in my head that REALLY needs to be written down! Have a great weekend everyone.

Okay- I have to admit it. I officially don't understand people. I've been watching this whole 'Chik Fil-A' thing blow itself totally out of proportion over the last couple of weeks. Oh, its only the latest in a long series of head shakers, but I REALLY don't understand this. Near as I can tell, the owners of the chain (A single family, as I understand) has used a percentage of their profits to fund legislation against homosexual marriage and the Gay, Lesbian and transsexual community (And their supporters) have declared a mass media war against the company involving protests, media flaming, some sort of same sex 'kiss in' etc. which of course, has spawned retaliation of similar things from the chik-fil-a people so the whole thing has blown up to ludicrous proportions which I am, unfortunately, forced to follow if I choose to log into my Facebook page. Now- Here's where I start to get fuzzy. My question on this whole thing is a two-parter, so pay attention because there will be a quiz at the end. First- The GBLT community has always been the first group to preach about freedom of expression, equal rights to express themselves, etc. Now that's cool, I'm all about self expression. However- It seems to me that that is EXACTLY what they are up in arms and protesting about right now. The Chic Fill A people chose to express their dislike for the concept of homosexual marriage. (Again, I'm actually all for it. Life has a tendency to suck enough, if you can grab some happiness somewhere then go for it, more power to you. Also, having never been proposed to by a gay man I REALLY don't feel like I have a horse in that race, so to speak.) So the first part of my question is this: Why is it that people seem to feel like Freedom of speech and expression is great- unless its about something they don't agree with? Then they do their best to protest it and force it to stop? News flash, people. Freedom of speech is for EVERYONE whether you like it or not. It would seem to me that it would be far more productive for the GBLT community to simply boycott the restaurant. Well, unless they REALLY like the food they serve there. Never eaten in one, so I couldn't say one way or another about that either. The second part of the question is: I wonder what they REALLY hope to accomplish by this? Does someone out there actually sit and think "Hmmm...if we stage a protest and force our beliefs on these people who are completely convinced that our lifestyle is wrong they'll see the light and change their minds." After all, protesting someone's beliefs IS the most expedient way to come to an agreement, right? Seriously, folks- What the hell is wrong with people? It seems to me like there are a lot of people out there that haven't figured out yet, if someone doesn't like you or your beliefs you aren't likely going to change their minds by protesting the fact that they don't like you or your beliefs. It seems to me that life as a GBLT would be difficult enough to live, without inviting the inevitable backlash of protesting something voraciously that they aren't going to change anyway. If the very liberal folks are to be believed its the 1% of the population that has all the money and hates gays, etc. anyway, so wouldn't this, in effect, create a HUGE advertisement for the restaurant and actually HELP them financially? As I said before, though, I really don't understand. Perhaps I'm missing some larger point somewhere along the way. Maybe someday I'll figure it all out, but in the meantime all I see is people moving further and further apart in a world that is already far to separated. In the end it seems simple. Everyone just wants to be left alone to live their life in the way that makes them happy. Maybe we should all start working on that and stop worrying so much about judging what makes someone else happy.

Hello, everyone. (If anyone is still reading this, I know its been a while) I'm still up here, hanging in Alaska. The Silvers are in! (Silver salmon, for all of you non inducted Alaskans) Every year I head into salmon season, a sparkle in my eye, a hopeful smile on my lips, visions of all the fishing and nature shows of my youth dancing in my brain. Then I get to the fishing spot and after 2 or 3 thousand casts I remember- Oh yeah- I'm a LOUSY salmon fisherman. Seriously, they have to be the MOST confounding fish in North America, likely in the world. I know guys that have a sort of 6th sense about salmon. They could tie a frikking eye bolt onto the end of the line and huge fish would somehow have swum through the eye and gotten caught. Its most unnerving. I, however, am not one of those people. Oh, I can fish, I do well enough with Pike and Burbot, but salmon? Oh, they're my unicorn. See, the problem is, salmon don't bite because they're hungry, like any SANE fish does. Oh no. Once they hit fresh water salmon are like a teenager on prom night. All they care about is spawning. The only way to hook the little buggers is to somehow magically decide what color lure is going to be threatening to them so they will bite it to defend their spawning grounds. Apparently I haven't yet received the ability to piss a fish off at will. Oh, I'll get one or two of the really stupid, aggressive, behavior disordered fish a season, the class bully of the salmon world, but I REALLY have to work on it. So..that's what I've been doing. I heard the siren cry at the gas station the other day. The conversation (In line, with a complete stranger, by the way,) went something like this: Stranger: *Nod*  "Hows it goin?"Me: *nod of acknowledgment* "Not bad. How are you?" Stranger: *Shrug* "Eh, not bad. Fish are in, so how bad can it be?" Me:*Alarm bells begin ringing loudly in ears* cautiously doubtful (You can't trust strangers on things THIS important, it obviously requires further questioning.) "They are? You catch some?" Stranger: *Shake of the head* "Not yet, but a buddy of mine limited out on silvers down at the mouth of the Willow." Me: (Hopeful, but still not sold) "Really? Today?" Stranger: "Nah, yesterday. He said he saw more moving in as he left."  Now, after this conversation the images of the fishing shows start. The information has been freely given and received, there are places and times, so it MUST be true. Hell, he wouldn't lie about his friend catching fish, it would be dishonorable! visions of  wild, mad gleeful giggling as cast after cast results in a massive fish on the line. Scores of  recently won battles line the shore with glistening, sparkling silver monsters, the fare of a thousand fishy banquets, Sushi the Emperor would be proud to have gracing his table! (In fact, the limit on silver salmon is 2/day, but my imagination has a tendency to go overboard, probably why I'm a writer.) So, head straight home, grab Beenie and fishing gear, (Corbin is 14 and doesn't fish. He might take an interest if a fishing pole was shaped like an x-box controller, but until a major redesign happens, he's out.) and head straight to 'The Spot' Which, if anyone cares to know, is actually Caswell Creek, but 'The Spot' sounds way more cool and mysterious. Anyway- Long story short, 2 hours pass and I've gotten one pink salmon. Now, Pink salmon are what most of you non-Alaskans think salmon is. Its really not bad, it DOES taste like salmon, just in a really..pinky way. People up here are fish snobs, though. Pinks are below disdain. They are to be thrown back or fed to the dogs (Coincidently, much the same thing is felt about dog salmon- Also not bad eating for us non discerning folks who just like a good fish dinner sometimes.) So...I catch the pink which was a Humpy, or male salmon. (Yeah, I know, we have weird names for EVERY type of salmon up here, its a crazy state.)  It was actually a very nice pink, all things considered, but there was only one, so I was going to take the hook out and send him back to his hormone addled paradise so he could breed and die as God intended he do. Then Beenie spoke up. She had decided it was WAY to nice a fish to let go, it HAD to come home and go into the freezer. I sighed and whacked him on the head. There is no point arguing with a 9 year old when a fish is involved. So...we carry the pink up the hill, Beenie proudly holding the fish, me with the 2 fishing poles, tackle box, her jacket, bottle of juice, gum, my gun, and likely 10 or 12 pounds of miscellaneous rocks that ALSO had to come home courtesy of Beenie..(See reference to 9 year old and fish, just substitute rocks..same thing) As we get to the top one of the regulars is, of course, getting ready to bring his son down and fish. Now, when you're in Alaska and you run into another Alaskan getting ready to go silver fishing, and you're carrying a pink, the parade of emotions is always hilarious. First- elation as they see that you have exerted the effort to carry a fish up the hill, so it MUST be worth keeping. Second- disdain as they realize what you are actually carrying. You must be a tourist. Third- sympathy. Because you're carrying a gun you must be a resident and therefore you MUST be starving in order to bring a pink home. Fourth- Understanding as you feel the need to explain yourself and you tell them your nine year old daughter insisted on bringing it home. Fifth- Complete understanding as they look over at their OWN nine year old son running enthusiastically down the hill happy and carefree while he picks up his fishing poles, tackle box, gun, son's jacket, landing net, fish whacker etc. Ah, bonding in Alaska.

Its a dark day for the country today. Obamacare has been upheld as 'constitutional'. Apparently it is a constitutional thing for the government to fine an individual who 'chooses' not to have health care. Interesting the way that's worded. Chooses not to have health care- I wonder- Is that like choosing to be gay? or choosing to have cancer? From my perspective (And no, I don't have health care for myself, by the way, I'm unemployed at the moment and I simply can't afford personal health care. My kids are covered by the state, but I don't qualify due to a 'glitch' Since my stepson Nick lives with me and his father doesn't pay child support I don't qualify for any assistance from the state.) most anyone who can afford health care will get health care. We're not talking a minor expense, people. I've looked into the costs of 'personal' health insurance. your most basic, crap coverage will run you around 250$ a month. For me at this time that is NOT an insignificant expense. (that is with around a 5000$ deductible, by the way) I simply can't afford it, so I won't be getting it. So now its constitutional to fine me because I can't afford to spend the money on something the government says I should have. Sounds a lot like legalized theft to me. Read your history books, anyone ever heard of 'debtor's prison'? The other thing that simply boggles my mind is all the democrats that are saying how great this is. Democrats who, traditionally are supposed to be for the 'little' guy. Do they not realize how many small businesses this new 'constitutional' directive is going to drive into bankruptcy? Small businesses are in the same boat I am. a little mom and pop shop which is barely struggling by will be forced to close simply because they can't afford to buy group insurance for Maggie Sue who helps out once or twice a week in the shop. Wake the hell up, people! The only ones this new directive is going to help are the insurance companies. The other gem that happened yesterday, which most people haven't taken notice of is the fact that Obama declared a national emergency because of Russia's decision on how they process weapons grade plutonium or some such. Now, I agree that we have to keep an eye on where the world's plutonium is going, kind of an important thing to know, but why a national emergency about it? Well, here's what a lot of people don't realize. In the case of a national emergency being declared all voting for officials is suspended until the emergency is declared over. Oh, another little gem? Under national emergency martial law can be declared with no notice by the President of the United States. Heads up, people. The masks are coming off and no one is even bothering to hide the fact that our 'free' country isn't being such a great place to live anymore. Hail Amerikastan.

I don't want to say the mosquitos are bad this year, but my first waking thought this morning was that somehow I must have gone on a bender last night and fallen asleep on the Willow air strip and there were about a hundred Piper Supercubs  circling and waiting for approach. As I slowly cracked my eyes open, waiting for one of them to land on top of me I saw the cloud of mosquitos circling my face.They are literally everywhere. The only consolation is that they should be gone soon. We had a couple of days of rain and it kicked their breeding cycle into high gear. My K.I.T.H (Killed in the house) count is over 400 and still climbing.  We got a new cat yesterday. Sylvester is his name and I think he'll be a pretty cool cat, once he manages to get up the courage to leave the kitty condo and start exploring. He hasn't moved that we've seen since he got here, not that I can blame him. Coming into a house with 4 other cats, 4 dogs, a goat and 3 kids intimidates the hell out of me sometimes, too. The infamous tattoo has been once again rescheduled. I'm supposed to get it Monday now. We'll see if it happens. Perhaps the stars will align and I'll be able to get it done this time. I hope so, I'd really like it to be fully healed before I go to work as a commercial fisherman in July. That's right, I'll soon have another truly 'Alaskan' experience under my belt. Some very good friends have given me the opportunity to help them out and I'm really looking forward to it. Other than that not a lot going on. I'm going to be cramming today to catch up on my school work. I have no idea what my problem has been lately, but my study habits have been abhorrent. I really need to remove my head from my backside and get back into studying again, so this weekend will be new leaf time. It's hard to explain. It seems like I've been marking time in life for the past couple of months, waiting for something to happen. Well, enough of that. Its time to plunge forward, move onward and outward and get back to the business of making a new life for myself and the kids. After all, if I don't, no one is going to do it for me. And on that note I best go and get to work. Still plenty of homework to do and I need to get my mosquito KITH numbers higher because they are driving me crazy! Have a good day, a great weekend, and an amazing life! Later!

The coolest cat in the world died tonight. HArvey, the first animal we got when we came to Alaska laid down by Aoibheann's chair and passed away. It seems like he has always been around. We saved Harvey from destruction when we got him from the shelter. We had been in Alaska exactly one week when Glenda decided she needed to have an animal around so we went to the shelter. She was actually looking for a small female kitten. We looked at a bunch of them and then the girl asked us if we would consider looking at an older male cat because no one had adopted him and he was slated for destruction. They brought Harvey out and he was instantly one of the family. I always expected he'd get eaten by a bear out here, he used to spend almost all summer outside, only coming in occasionally to check on his people. Whenever we would pull into the driveway Harvey would amble out to greet us. Whenever something bad would happen it seemed like Harvey was there, offering quiet comfort, purring as if to say, "don't worry, everything will be fine in the end." I'm gonna miss you, Buddy. I know you hung out long enough to make sure we were all right after Glenda passed away, and now you went to be with her. You always liked her best anyway. And so we say goodbye, my friend. I'm sure I'll see you again someday, probably waiting for me when my time comes, purring to let me know everything will be okay.

So, I'm starting my new class at Full Sail this week. Its a technology class, so maybe I'll finally figure out how to use this *&*^* MAC. Part of the class is to write an intro for the other students, since their so big into social networking at that school. I was going to write the usual pat answer to the question and then, when I was out fishing today I started to actually think about it. the question was "Who are you? Tell us about yourself." Hmm...as I stood casting and reeling in (Yes, I did catch one pike and missed another one, by the way, thanks for asking) I started thinking about it. Who am I anyway? I honestly don't have an answer to that anymore. I'm a dad, at least I try to be. I'm a hunter, a fisherman, an Alaskan, a writer, an outsider, an insider, a guy who stopped mid-stream in his life and decided to switch careers about 90 degrees and start all over again. That should probably scare the hell out of me, but I just have a feeling of anticipation. I know NOTHING about the entertainment industry. I'm learning more in casual conversations with other students and teachers than I ever expected to know. I'm even considering staying in school to get my Master's in directing because it looks like it would be a lot of fun to do. I've realized- I'm 43 years old and I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I've been a lot of things that I'm not anymore. I look back at the various stages in my life and just shake my head. The experiences have all changed who I am and it makes me wonder who I will be when the ride is finally all over. I was, I hope, a good husband to an amazing woman and I hope I have it in me to be a good husband again someday. I've ridden in corporate planes, been to the top of grain elevators and jumped on top of barges to avoid getting cut in half by flying ropes. I've been lucky enough to number corporate executives as well as homeless pool sharks among my friends. I've watched the greatest love of my life die, kissed her goodbye as she passed from this world just as I've watched all three of my children enter it and cry for the first time ever. I have a goat living on my porch, for chrissake! Of course, I won't put any of this in the little introductory blurb for my technology class. Well, maybe the goat part, but not much else. Anyway, the question got me thinking. I'm willing to bet that most of you have lived your lives in different levels as well. You can probably look back through the years and see the different people that you were. I guess my point is this- Celebrate who you were, embrace it because it will always be a part of who you are now and who you are going to be in the future. I hope you all have a great day. Hug the people you love and never be afraid to talk to strangers because they might be your next best friend! Peace-

Well, I actually have an excuse for not posting this time. Last week was pretty much a blur of activity getting a new washer and dryer and then packing for a 5 day camping trip with the kids. I never knew I would appreciate a dryer so much before! My old one broke back in October and we spent the winter drying clothes on a piece of cord wrapped around the room, drying clothes by the heat of the wood stove. It was a serious pain in the butt! I just considered it another character building exercise, though. It was another thing that we made it through, just like cutting wood for heat at -30 and surviving the first year without Glenda. All I could think about (When I wasn't cussing the dryer for dying) was "well, at least the washer didn't go too.." My thinking has become that a lot lately. Things that were earth shattering 2 years ago have become merely annoying now. I've realized that in the great scheme of life most of the things that used to absolutely drive me insane really aren't that big a deal. I must say, though- I now appreciate dryer technology as well as clean, dry, non- stiff as a board clothes much more than I ever did! The camping trip was good. I don't think it ever hit the level of 'amazing' that the trip did last year. A bunch of people didn't make it and the weather beat us up a couple of days, but it was a great trip none the less. Just being able to disconnect from the world for a little while and wholly concentrate on the business of living is a nice thing sometimes. My tattoo appointment got rescheduled for next Tuesday which is, ironically, the day after Glenda's birthday. I say ironic because she always wanted us to get tattoos to commemorate and honor the move to Alaska. It was the point in our lives that we stopped one life completely and started a new one. It wasn't a gradual change, we went from a job offer to all of us living up here, knowing not a soul in just over a month. We completely upheaved everything we knew and it turned out to be the best move we had ever made as a married couple. We learned to rely on each other, wholly and completely. Moving here changed both of us a lot and she always wanted to commemorate that change by getting a tattoo. Well, She can't anymore, but I can. In a way I'm getting this for both of us. I didn't get a bear this weekend, but I'm not giving up hope, I'll go out and try again in a different place. Its a strange thing, being under pressure to provide food for your family. I can't go to the store and buy this stuff, I have to hunt it down, kill it, gut it, skin it and butcher it if I want to feed it to my family.  It really makes you appreciate where meat comes from. There are no small, sterile white styrofoam containers of bear in the store. Anyway- I should go, the dryer just finished its cycle and I have to switch loads out. I'm still catching up on all the clothes that didn't get washed while the dryer was DOA. Have a great day, everyone! I'll talk to you soon.

Augh..Last day of school and we all sleep through the bus stopping. One more day of running around like idiots. The washer and drier should be here WAY to soon, if my luck holds out. I'm not ready for them to be delivered yet. Gotta run, I'll try to be insiteful later. Until then So Long and Thanks for all the fish!

I think my brain is starting to kick-start again. For a long time I was afraid to dream. Every dream I had was a horrible nightmare that I won't go into detail on, suffice it to say they were all extremely unpleasant. Last night I had a dream that was amazingly insightful. I think it revealed mysteries of the universe that we may not be meant to know. I woke up in awe. I reached for my pad and pencil to write it down as soon as I woke up, but it was gone, only the feeling of awe remained. That's okay, though.Instead of being disappointed I know that the answers are out there somewhere and someday I'll figure them out. Today is cleaning day. We're beginning to tear the house apart and repair the things that are broken in preparation for putting the place on the market. I can't afford to keep it anymore and quite honestly I think its time to move on anyway. As much as I love this house it was our house. Glenda's and mine, and it doesn't feel as much like home anymore. I think its time to open a new chapter in my life. I love her and I miss her, but life, as they say, goes on. The appointment to get my tattoo is scheduled. There are probably other things I could spend my money on, but I have a gut feeling that for some reasons this is an important thing and I've learned to follow my gut. Its far more than a pretty picture to me. Its a symbol of what I've been, what I've become and what I will be. It is a unique symbol of me, drawn through a very good friend's eyes, and something I will strive to live up to every day. I know, that's a lot of stock put into a bunch of red and black dots driven into my body by a needle, but like I said, I have a much different perspective on life than I ever used to. Sometimes a symbol is all you have and blind faith that something that seems silly is the right thing to do is what a change in life all hinges upon. We're getting ready to go on our Memorial day camping trip and bear hunt in a few days. 5 days of camping and fun together with some good friends down on a glacial lake. We went last year and had an amazing time. The kids have been looking forward to this year since we went last year. Hopefully they have as good a time this year and t becomes THE annual summer tradition. We're working on new traditions now as well. We've begun the process of re-inventing our entire family structure and our lives. It won't ever be the same as it was, the perfect circle will become much more imperfect and oval, but with any luck we can keep the lines joined together into something that works. Time to head out again- I have a ton of homework I need to do by tonight and we have a full day of cleaning ahead of us. I hope everyone who reads this has a great day! Smile at a stranger, hug your family and enjoy being you because you're the only one of you there is.

As any of you who read this blog know, I REALLY try to avoid politics. I have no use for it, I think the whole system is screwed up beyond all hope of repair, and in general in response to political things I pull a fast ostrich and stick my head as far into the sand as it will go. Having said that, however, there are still times that something catches my attention and I can't help but stare in morbid fascination, much the same way someone would watch a train wreck or a drowning victim that they had no chance of reaching. There's nothing you can do, it is completely out of your power to help or change anything, and yet you can't seem to look away.  Obama's gay marriage statements are such a thing. I've seen those statements and I have to say, the man is amazing. Not as a political leader, which in my personal opinion he sucks at,  or as a spokesman for gay rights, but as a magician. He has developed political sleight of hand to a fine art. For me, its rather like rap music. I don't like it, but I can appreciate the effort that has gone into it. With one single interview, with ONE statement, he has completely drawn the attention of the entire voting public to something that, in the grand scheme of most people's every day lives, doesn't mean squat. It was a brilliant move and I give him credit for it. Honestly, I suspect he could care less about gay marriage one way or another, but to make that statement meant that EVERYONE is now focused on it. Newsweek has carried coverage, all the news agencies have jumped on it, the right wing republicans have been forced to respond to it..and it has all worked flawlessly to do the one thing it was intended to do. He has managed to take everyone's focus off of the little things like unemployment, rising gas prices, a failing economy...You know, the things that DO affect our every day lives which no politician wants to address because there is no easy fix for it that will keep them popular. So, since the real problems aren't easily fixed and no one in politics has the guts to come out and say "We have NO idea how to fix these problems" instead, with the grace and style of a Vegas stage magician he has deftly made people look at his left hand instead. I give you credit, Sir. You should take your place in history, Not with Washington, Jefferson, and Lincoln, but with other huge names like P.T. Barnum, Harry Houdini and David Copperfield. You should trade your conservative presidential suit for gold lame and sequins. Truly, you stand with the other great sleight of hand experts and showmen of history. People will stare, fascinated, discussing whether the President is gay, wondering why he made such a controversial statement so close to the elections, while the entire country disappears out from underneath them. Sort of makes all the other great illusions in history seem a little more trivial, doesn't it?

Friday already! Beenie is spending a day or two with one of my friends so it will just be the boys and I. I sense a night of video games or night fishing and maybe a trip to the range coming up. We all need to make sure the bear guns are doing what they're supposed to be as well as making sure we can all still hit a target after not shooting during the long winter months. Ah..Chris, my visual thinking and writing instructor that gave me the assignment still had it on file! So, without any further ado, the short story based around a visual of a reel to reel tape player sitting on a floor.

I had first met Chuck Abernathy at the park.  It was a simple coincidence, or so I thought at the time. I had a rough week at work and was just sitting, staring out at the ducks on the pond when he wandered over and asked if I wanted to play a game of chess.  I decided to humor him and play. He seemed harmless enough. I figured he was somewhere between 50 and 500. He was one of those guys, you know?  We sat down at one of the tables and started playing. He was friendly enough and we started chatting about this and that. The guy was a wizard at chess! He must have beaten me 15 or 20 times that night. The hours flew by as we played. It seemed like Chuck knew something about everything. He never would tell me what he did, though. He would make some vague references about being an inventor. I met him again the next day, and the next. Soon the summer had flown by and we’d played all the way into October.


One cold day I hunkered down into my jacket against the chill as I walked to the park for our daily game. He wasn’t there, though. There was a note on the table that all the regulars had come to know as ‘ours’. I picked it up and read it. All that was on it was an address and one line scrawled below it. “Come as soon as you can. It’s very important. –Chuck” I whistled softly at the address, it was in the richest part of town. I had no idea that my buddy Chuck was that wealthy. I figured he was just a normal guy like me, if a bit eccentric. I had to see what this was about, so I grabbed a cab and headed over to Chuck’s house.


When I got to his place there was another sign on the door.


“Martin, come on in, it’s not locked- Chuck”
 

I started to wonder about this guy. I thought we were friends, but clearly I didn’t know the first thing about him. This whole thing was weird. I followed more signs and ended up in a den. In there I saw another sign with an arrow, this one pointing down at the floor where there was an old tape recorder. I slowly reached down and hit play. I kneeled down, closer to the recorder.  His voice came through loud and clear.


“Martin, Thanks for coming. First of all I wanted to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed our time together in the park these last months. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time!  I’ve spent this time getting to know you for a reason. I needed to make sure you were really the good guy you seemed to be. The chess games, the conversations, it was all a way to make sure that you were really the type of person I first judged you to be. I can’t be too careful, there are many people who would quite literally kill for what I’m about to tell you. Remember the conversations we had about there being something more to life than what is right in front of us? Well, we were absolutely right and I finally found it.  Let me take things one step at time, though. First, this house and my finances are yours now.. It’s all been properly willed to you. I have no use for them any longer since I won’t be returning to this time and place for any length of time.”


I chuckled, shaking my head. This HAD to be a joke. I knew Chuck had an odd sense of humor, but this was over the top! I decided to go along, though, and listen to the rest of the tape.


“I know, you think this is some elaborate joke, but it isn’t.” His slightly raspy voice continued. “During my lifetime I’ve made many useful inventions. The patents have earned me quite a sum of money which I am now giving to you. The more important thing by far, though, is the invention that I’ve told no one about before. Martin, I’ve found a way to slip between the very veils of time and space! I know, you think I’m a crazy old man. I expected that. Pause this tape and walk over to the bookshelf. Look in the fourth book on the left, top shelf.  Look up Leviticus 10, verse 17.”
I reached down, my hands trembling slightly, and paused the machine. This whole thing was crazy! I considered for a moment standing up, walking out of the house and walking away from this whole thing forever. Finally, though I decided that Chuck had been a good enough friend over these last few months that he deserved at least one act of blind faith. I stood and walked over to the bookshelf, taking down an ancient bible. I turned to the passage like he told me to and read;  “And the Lord came before Emmanuel and he said ‘Hello, Martin! Do you believe me now?’


I nearly dropped the book I was holding. The words were swimming in front of my eyes. I blinked and looked again. The same aged ink as the rest of the book, but it was clearly NOT the verse I expected to read. Finally I set the book down. I had to hear what was on the rest of that tape! Well, suffice it to say, it was incredible stuff. It turns out Chuck has had a lot of friends over the years. He hung out with da Vinci for a while, Nikolai Tesla later and that’s just a couple of them. He pops in occasionally for a quick game of chess and to check on things here. I FINALLY figured out why he was so good at chess. It turns out he invented the damn game!



Until next time,, I hope you have a wonderful life!